† ALL THIS FOR A KING †

Transformation of the heart through the process of sanctification is the basis for all other life change.

Have you seen the movie, The Emperors New Groove? The young emperor Kuzco is very arrogant and selfish. He really is only concerned with himself. In deciding to build a summer home, he will displace a family in his kingdom for his pleasure. The father of the family comes to talk with him and he is unchanged in his decision to build on the land where they are now living. Through other events, the Emperor becomes a lama and must return to his palace to get the secret potion that will change him back to a young man. But he cannot do it alone. He is at the mercy of the family who he intends to displace in building his summer home. He is manipulative and alters his behaviors to get the help he needs to get home. He makes the family believe that he really has changed. But somewhere on the long journey home, he comes face to face with the truth and his heart begins to change. When he finally returns to his palace, he is no longer the same person, his heart has been transformed – his life has been changed.

Have you ever tried to change something about yourself – something that you just didn’t like about yourself or something others didn’t like about you? How hard is it to actually change?

Have you ever tried to break a bad habit? Have you ever tried to start a new habit? They say that it takes 21 times of correcting a bad habit to make something a new habit.

We try to change ourselves all the time. We try to change ourselves by changing our behaviors. We believe that we have truly changed when we do things differently, when the outside no longer looks the same as it once did.

Most of my life has been about change – and not only about changing circumstances. My parents divorced when I was six and ten years later when I was a junior in high school, my entire life was turned upside down when my mom took her own life. She struggled with alcoholism and depression and my dad had his own struggles which left me virtually parentless at the time. But I was determined to rise from the ashes. Although my life’s reality was broken and fragmented pieces, I wanted everyone to believe that I had it together. I learned to portray someone who was well adjusted and who didn’t hurt.

Eight years ago I had just returned from living in Central London while going to school. On a July night I decided to give my heart to Jesus Christ. I stood up at a conference, prayed a prayer and began to participate in this religion called Christianity. But the greatest change was still to come. Yes, I was now covered with the blood of Jesus Christ, but I still was not willing to walk away from the life I had known for so long to experience the freedom found in Christ. I was too comfortable with what I had always known. It was easy for me to make people believe I had it together. It was easy to do a lot of good things for God without actually following Christ. It was easy to show others how devoted I was to God rather than actually being completely devoted to him.

In the Fall of 2003 everything in my life began to change, really change. But I think I can explain some of this change through one of my favorite passages that Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians:

1:1 Paul, Silas and Timothy,
To the church of the Thessalonians in God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ:
Grace and peace to you.
2 We always thank God for all of you, mentioning you in our prayers. 3 We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.
4 For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, 5 because our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction. You know how we lived among you for your sake. 6 You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. 7 And so you became a model to all the believers in Macedonia and Achaia. 8 The Lord’s message rang out from you not only in Macedonia and Achaia - your faith in God has become known everywhere. Therefore we do not need to say anything about it, 9 for they themselves report what kind of reception you gave us. They tell how you turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God, 10 and to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead-Jesus, who rescues us from the coming wrath.

Did you catch that? I love what Paul says here. In verse 8 he says, “your faith in God has become known everywhere. Therefore we do not need to say anything about it.� I would love to have faith like that, to live a life like that. I think that all of us would. How cool would that be, not to have to talk about our faith because it was just known EVERYWHERE.

But, I don’t think this just happened. I don’t think that they just woke up one morning and suddenly their faith was known everywhere. What drove the change within their hearts? How could their change have this kind of an impact?

What I know for sure is that it wasn’t just about changing behaviors, changing what they did on the outside or how they portrayed themselves. No, something else had to have taken place, something that was so pivotal, which changed everything.

Let’s look back at the text. In verse 9b Paul says, “They tell how you turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God.� The Thessalonians’ faith was known everywhere because they turned from idols to serve the living and true God.

So, it sounds pretty simple, right? Just turn to God and serve him. But this was huge, really huge. Worshiping idols had become a way of life for the Thessalonians, it was their lifestyle and how they had been educated. It was very normal for them and very ritualistic. It was life for these Gentile believers.

Let’s be honest for a few minutes here. Unless we step away from what we know, it’s all we know, right? But sometimes what we really need is perspective, God’s perspective.

For myself, the transition I went through four years ago, meant being willing to accept that I was broken and my life was full of shattered pieces. I had to give up my idols - which convinced me that having it all together was the best thing I could do for Christ, and that trusting no one else would keep me safe. I had to be willing to embrace the hurt and pain in my life because somewhere in the midst of it all, God would be glorified, and amazingly he would use it all.

So what are the idols in your life? What are the idols that keep your faith from being known EVERYWHERE, without anything being said about it? Maybe it’s not fear or pride, maybe it is. Maybe it’s those seemingly important things we have in our lives – such as our ipods, computers, cell phones, cars, etc. Maybe it’s relationships with people that distract us from and become significantly more important to us than our relationship with God. Maybe it’s ambition or recognition for sports, academics, or music. Maybe it’s our well intentioned desire to do good things for God, while missing God all along. Is Christ really your life’s greatest passion?

My idols had become appearance – that I had it all together, praise from others – that I had overcome so many tragic things in life, pride – that I had done it all myself, and fear – of the unknown: of rejection, or abandonment, of failure. Somewhere in the midst of it all, I believed that living this way made it safer for me. That living here meant that no one could ever hurt me again. No one could ever leave me again. I believed that I was all I needed in life until God brought people into my life who broke trough the deep loneliness I had felt for almost a decade, and who dared me to live life even in the midst of the unknown and potential of future pain. I learned that this was called RISK, the risk to live fully alive.

The change in my life happened when I came face to face with the living God. I realized that he knew me for who I really was – who I was when my mask was off. He knew my deepest hurts and greatest struggles and scaring pains. He knew the depth of depravity within my soul. And amazingly he loved me the same. And not only did he love me, but he called me CHOSEN, FORGIVEN, DAUGHTER, BELOVED and HIS BRIDE.

Everything changed when my heart changed. Just like the Thessalonians, everything changed when they turned to the living and true God and encountered him. My life was no longer about appearances and fear but it became about the holiness of God, that he would be glorified in every action I took.

Now, I’ll be real honest with you. None of this means that I don’t struggle and that I don’t still have fear. In fact I do. That’s what makes this the life of faith, not just a single act of faith in following Christ.

I’ve spent the past 10 days in Portland, the home I’ve known all my life, where I’ve grown up. It is there where many people have invested in me and loved me through so much of life, that is, until I moved here last fall. I love it here - Gig Harbor has become a home I never expected it to be. I know with all certainty that God wants me here. He has called me to spend this part of my life in this place, with many of you. And yet, I long for what I know and what is safe and comfortable. Part of me longs to return to Portland - especially when things get hard, or lonely or uncertain. Something within me wants to return to where I came from.

While I was at home, I got to sit in a class with my favorite professor from school. During the class, we talked about this process of transformation, like the change the Thessalonians went through. We talked about the process of sanctification and how we are transformed through this lifelong process. And the constant struggle came up, “WHY DO WE LONG TO RETURN TO EGYPT?�

Remember the story of the Israelites in Exodus? They were slaves in Egypt under Pharaoh and his army. They were in bondage and lived lives under oppression. Moses went to Pharaoh and begged him to let his people go. Pharaoh’s heart was so hard and he refused, but eventually God’s chosen people, the Israelites were set free. The Israelites were sent into the desert for 40 years, while longing for the Promised Land - a place God had promised that would be flowing with milk and honey. Eventually, the Israelites crossed the Jordan River and inherited the Promised Land. They had received all that God had promised them. Yet the Promised Land was not free from uncertainty. The Promised Land was not safe. The Promised Land required great faith in God in the midst of the unknown. The Promised Land required willingness to RISK. But on many occasions, we find the Israelites wanting to return to Egypt, to what was known, what was safe – but I think the Israelites forgot the bondage and slavery that existed there.

This story is all to familiar. If you’ve seen the movie Shawshank Redemption you’ll remember Brooks, the older gentleman who ran what was considered the library. He had been in Shawshank prison for the majority of his life for committing murder. After decades he was used to the routine and comfort that those bars and cement walls now brought him. Right before his parole hearing, he took a knife to another inmate’s throat, hoping that the act of violence would ensure his continued residence at Shawshank. But realizing the ploy for what it was, the parole board released Brooks to the outside. They arranged for a small apartment for him, and a job bagging groceries at a small local store. But Brooks hadn’t been on the outside of those prison walls since cars were invented. He couldn’t keep up in a world that had changed so much and now moved so quickly. He longed to return to Shawshank, to that which he had known, that which was safe and comfortable. He knew nothing else. He felt more imprisoned living on the outside than he did living in the inside of Shawshank prison. Being unable to live on the outside, and being unable to return to the inside, Brooks took his own life. He felt that there was no other option. The risk itself was too great to take. And yet we must be willing to take the risk.

To be honest, a lot of the time I find myself wanting to return to Egypt too. I want to return to that which is safe, known, and comfortable. I think that it is too easy to forget about the bondage and slavery that once existed, and we only remember the good things. We do this, don’t we? We hold onto the good memories, discarding the painful ones, the ones that actually shaped us and changed us.

All that being said, how do we change? How do we allow our lives to become everything God intended? Do you end your day more in love with Christ than when you began? If not, what is holding you back? What idol is in your way?

Our change, must be heart change, like the Thessalonians. We must be wiling to give up our idols – we must be willing to give up ANYTHING that comes in the way of our relationship with God, no matter how true, and right and beautiful it is. Anything that comes before God, is in fact and idol. It can even be something that we are certain and sure that God has given to us and even something we are doing for God, but the key is NEVER letting ANYTHING replace the place of God in your heart and life. We must be willing to turn to the living and true God. Even if it means that we turn away from everything that is comfortable, safe and known. Then our faith will be known EVERYWHERE, just like the Thessalonians.

It’s easy to change if we have a formula, a proven method that works. We want to know how we can actually be transformed. Although there is no formula for this process of transformation, what we do know is how the Thessalonians lived their lives, and how generations of followers of Christ have lived since. Let’s look back at the text once more. In verse 3 Paul identifies three things about the Thessalonians. He says, “We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.� We hear Paul’s famous trilogy here, as well as in 1 Corinthians 13. What Paul recognized was that the Thessalonians LIVED BY FAITH, WERE KNOWN BY LOVE, AND WERE A VOICE OF HOPE to the world around them. Faith, love and hope moved them forward, it changed them from the inside out.

If we live by faith like the Thessalonians lived, we would be willing to take risks for others and their futures. We would not be afraid to advance in this movement of Jesus Christ. We would live lives marked by courage and trust in God. Living by faith is marked by what we know about God, it is looking backwards and being moved forward because of who we know and what we know. By living by faith we prove that God can be trusted as we step into the unknown.

Being known by love - as the Thessalonians were known, means that we become like God. This is not to say that we become God, but our character and our hearts become like his. We are formed more and more into the likeness of his image. We begin to care about the things that he cares about, we advance on the things that are the closest to his heart – and most of the time that means that we move towards and on behalf of people. Being known by love is a present reality of the person of Christ in our lives. When we are known by love, we begin to express the passions and burdens of Christ. We respond as God breaks our hearts for the things that break his.

And lastly, as we become a voice of hope to the world around us, like the Thessalonians were, we recognize that hope can literally pull us into the future and that we have a message of hope for the world around us. We are here and can point to the future and tell all that God is doing, because we know who God is. In being a voice of hope, we cannot contain what is inside of each of us, and long to share it with everyone around us.

There is one more key to this process of transformation, this process of change. WE CAN’T DO IT ALONE. We cannot live this life of faith in seclusion and independence. We are relational beings, created in the midst of relationship, created for relationships. We NEED each other. We were created for God and for each other. So, on this journey of transformation and change, we must be willing to walk with others, and allow others to walk with us. We must be willing to hear from the lives of others - the truth, wisdom and hope they have to offer us on this journey. We must be willing to be changed by THE SPIRIT OF GOD INDWELLING US and we must be willing to be refined by THE SPIRIT OF GOD INDWELLING ANOTHER. As God himself will encounter us through those he has put in our lives.

Does anyone love Heroes as much as I do? This is now one of my favorite quotes from their season finale:
   yet still we struggle
to make a difference
to change the world
to dream of hope
never knowing for certain
who we will meet along the way
who among the world of strangers
will hold our hand
touch our hearts
and share the pain of trying

So, who challenges you in this life, in this lifelong pursuit of change? Who encourages you? Who supports you and invests in you? Who loves you well – so well, that they aren’t willing to let you stay the same?

This change of our hearts, will very literally change our entire lives. And in fact, it will change the lives of others, and we will change the world. When our hearts change, and our lives change OUR FAITH IN GOD WILL BE KNOWN EVERYWHERE. THEREFORE NO ONE WILL NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT. We will live by faith, be known by love, and be a voice of hope to the world around us.

 

June 10th, 2007 © allthis

We all long for significance, to know that when our lives are over, that we made a difference, that we did something that will make the world a better place to live. We all long for meaning and purpose.

We can look in our lives and see the stories of those who have made a difference – those with such significance, meaning and purpose. There are stories all around us of those people who have made this world a better place to live. We hear of those people striving to find a cure for AIDS and for Cancer. We hear of Bono of U2 – who started the ONE Campaign, and other celebrities fighting to end world poverty and world hunger. We can think now of our own soldiers in Iraq, Afghanistan, and around the world fighting the War on Terror, longing to usher forth peace and security for those they love and even those they will never know. We know of those at Starbucks longing to provide clean drinking water for every community around the world through the Ethos Campaign.

And even within the Movement of Jesus Christ, we can count others. There are the courageous missionaries who have given up the safety and comforts of home to serve on a foreign mission field – whatever the cost, proclaiming the hope found in Jesus Christ. There are our faithful pastors who have inspired us by their lives of faith, love and hope, calling us to live lives driven by the same. There are the catalytic revolutionaries – whether great or small, who dream dreams so big that their lives pull us into the movement, causing us to believe that things could get better.

Each of these groups or individuals inspire us because they have lived lives that have meaning and significance and purpose. They have done something in this world that counts, something that has mattered.

As we jump into the Scriptures we have countless examples of people living lives of meaning and significance. But one of my favorite stories includes four men – who we have come to know well, whose lives had great meaning. The great contrast is, that these men, would never have imagined that their lives would have such meaning from this one story.

In this story, one man led the fight against a great army. Another man outstretched his arms to the Heavens and then took a seat on a rock until Sunset. And the other two men each held up a weary arm of the man sitting on a rock.

Let’s look at their story… in Exodus 17
8 The Amalekites came and attacked the Israelites at Rephidim. 9 Moses said to Joshua, “Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands.”
10 So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. 11 As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. 12 When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands upâ€â€?one on one side, one on the otherâ€â€?so that his hands remained steady till sunset. 13 So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.
14 Then the LORD said to Moses, “Write this on a scroll as something to be remembered and make sure that Joshua hears it, because I will completely blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven.”
15 Moses built an altar and called it The LORD is my Banner. 16 He said, “For hands were lifted up to the throne of the LORD. The [c] LORD will be at war against the Amalekites from generation to generation.”

It might be easy for us to assign value to the roles that Joshua, Moses, Aaron and Hur had in conquering the Amalekites. Of course, Joshua led the fight against the Amalekite army. He had great significance in this event in history. And Moses, yes, his whole life had great significance. But in this story, his role seems minor, really. He just happened to outstretch his arms. But what we know is that Moses’ outstretched arms EMPOWERED Joshua to overtake the Amalekites. In verse 9, Moses COMMISSIONS and RELEASES Joshua for the battle, and in verse 14 Moses AFFIRMS Joshua’s role in what God was doing.

As for Aaron and Hur, their roles could be deemed insignificant, RIGHT? - they only held up Moses’ arms. . .WRONG! We know that their roles had great meaning! If Aaron and Hur had been absent, who would have upheld Moses’ arms? And then would Joshua have lost the battle against the Amalekites? The text tells us that when Moses’ hands grew tired Aaron and Hur held his hands up, one on one side, one on the other. Aaron and Hur each had one hand . . . just one hand. And yet Aaron and Hur had great meaning and significance. Their role was absolutely VITAL. Without them, Moses’ arms could not have stayed outstretched to empower Joshua to win the war.

Aaron and Hur could be deemed key to the ministry, in fact, each of these men could be deemed key to the ministry. Why? Because their role was VITAL, each role was VITAL, each person was VITAL! Without one the impact would never have been so great. Each one was needed, each one had meaning.

Of course, each of these men and each of us, ultimately find our meaning, significance and purpose in the person and life of Jesus Christ. If not for His life, we would be living insignificant lives.

Why did God use Joshua, Moses, Aaron and Hur? And why does God use each of us? For we are just people – people whose lives include stories of brokenness and pain, loneliness and insignificance.

One of my favorite quotes reminds me why God chooses to use each one of us, each one of our stories, each one of our lives, each and every single one.

… Given that there is a God, [that] he cares about humanity, and [that] he is deeply troubled by the human condition, how could God proceed to actively engage the human dilemma? If God refuses to take from us our free will and he refuses to leave the world in its present condition, what can he do?
Here’s an interesting possibility: He could change our hearts. He could take us through a process that would moves us from greed to altruism, that would moves us from indifference to compassion, that would move us from hate to love, that would move us from apathy to activism. If he could change us, he could change the world (other version: By changing us, he can change the world).
There was once a Roman citizen named Saul of Tarsus who was a religious fanatic and murderer, and he eventually had an encounter with Jesus Christ. He is best known as Paul. He turned from a life of condemnation and violence to becoming a champion of love, hope and faith.
It may seem way too simple, but the world will change when we change.

- Erwin McManus, Soul Cravings

This is exactly why God uses us. He takes the brokenness and pain, loneliness and insignificance and so beautifully weaves through our lives hope and healing, to bring wholeness and redemption. By changing us, he is changing the world.

You are change in this world.

You are a Joshua, Moses, Aaron or Hur. YOUR ROLE IS VITAL, YOUR LIFE IS VITAL, YOU ARE VITAL! YOU are change in this world.

Just as each of these men were so key in defeating the Amalekite army, YOU are key in ministry where you are serving. Joshua, Moses, Aaron and Hur each had a vastly different role. Each of you have vastly different role. Each of them were needed and used by God in a mighty way. And just like them, each of you are needed and are being used by God in a mighty way.

You have meaning, significance and purpose not only to God, but to your area of ministry.

Your faithful service to God has played a VITAL role in offering HOPE and HEALING to a hurting world and advancing the movement of Jesus Christ.

Thank you for your faithful service.

May 8th, 2007 © allthis

COMMUNITY.  Authentically sharing life with one another through teaching, fellowship, worship and living.

A couple of weeks ago a friend posed some interesting thoughts in response to the community found in Acts:

     In Acts 2:42-47, it basically says that the apostles and the believers devoted themselves to study, prayer, and spending all their time in fellowship with each other. It said that they shared all they had and sold their own stuff to help each other out. My friends have on occasion said that sharing of that nature was commonplace, but I have to disagree. Unselfish love of that nature is just not common, it’s not easy and it simply never happens.
     I always think it’s funny that the apostles and the believers always spent time with each other, but we today get over people so quickly and we forget that we are selfish lamewads who are conditioned to believe that the world is truly about ourselves (I am so guilty of this, so back off me Stone Casting police). We judge easily, we look for ways to be apart, to not talk about what we struggle with, and we cover it up with jokes and nonchalance. Even in their relationships, the apostles and the believers gave of themselves completely.  (see http://brittondennis.blogspot.com)

It’s always just one line that will grip my soul in every song that I love.  In David Crowder*Band’s Rescue Is Coming that line says, “And there’s nothing wrong with me, I just believe things could get better.”  This line can still and does bring me to tears.  Somewhere deep within I believe that things can be better than they are right now, and I actually believe that I can be that change in the world with the Spirit of God within me. 

I believe deep within that the reality of the Acts Church is possible today.  What I do know is that living the way of the Acts Church is what truly is life transformational and what creates movement and change in the world around us. In the midst of seemingly meaningful things, it’s remembering that people are of the UTMOST importance and that sharing and living life with others is the greatest thing we can do or have in our lives. It’s investing our whole lives in Christ in the lives of others without thought to what we will gain. Its about vulnerability and intimacy, sharing our greatest joys and our deepest pains and disappointments. It’s about casting aside the fear of being known, I mean truly known. It’s about daring to risk in the life of another, knowing that that risk itself may actually cause us the greatest pain we can’t even imagine, but walking boldly into the future in obedience, serving others with the love, heart and attitude of Christ. IT’S ABOUT LIVING BY FAITH, BEING KNOWN BY LOVE, AND BEING A VOICE OF HOPE TO THE WORLD AROUND US (http://mosaic.org). It’s about letting those things that Paul describes in 1 Cor 13 and 1 Thes 1 define us and represent us. It’s about getting beyond ourselves, our ideas of safety and comfort and becoming a disciple/learner of Christ, WHATEVER the cost. It’s about passionately pursing the very heart of Christ above EVERYTHING else and letting NOTHING else stand in our way of doing EXACTLY what He calls us to. It’s about hearing that whisper and letting it become so familiar that you don’t hesitate, question, or pause in response. It’s about longing for home - for heaven, and knowing every second of every day that we live in eternity present right now and that WE have the power of God to be the change in this world, to create community like the first church had, and then we will be living more free and alive than we ever could have imagined.

Even though I believe this with all of my being, that we too could have this Acts experience, I find myself lost in the midst of lonliness and pain, wrestling with the reality of community.  How can it be that you are in a room with people that you consider friends and still feel alone?  That all along, you stand outside of the circle that you long to be integrated COMPLETELY into.  That you walk away willingly from those who mean the most to you, who you know and who know you?  My heart - it bleeds and I have tried to cry out, but it seems as though no one is really listening.  So, what’s the point of community then?  Is it ever changing and never staying the same?  What happens when community becomes merely a group of people hanging out, rather than people actually sharing life with one another? 

Now, don’t get me wrong - I’ve seen it, and I’ve even experienced it.  I’ve dreamed of community like the Acts Church.  And every so often I get a sweet taste of it.  Like last week, I was talking with a friend about the upcoming transitions in his life.  What I merely thought was just a dream needing to find fulfillment, is actually creativity and uniquness expressing itself in a heart that cannot be contained.  It’s about music, yes, but moreso - the life of worship.  It’s about passion, and the pursuit of that greatest passion.  And it’s about life, living free and fully alive. 

So I have thought over the week, what makes this experience from last week something that represents the Acts Church Community?  I realize that the sharing of life - of thoughts, of experiences, of passion brought understanding and knowing of more than just a dream, but a person.  To know and be known.  I believe that is a longing placed within each of us, which is fulfilled within community and in the person of Christ. 

So, lastly, what about change within and the purpose of community…

I read this excerpt last week from Erwin McManus’ An Unstoppable Force, daring to become the church GOD had in mind:

“Whenever we receive new members at Mosaic, we remind them that receiving them into our community is our commitment to inviting them to change who we are, that we may become who God desires us to be.  Our commitment is not to clone them to who we already are, but that each person who joins our community is a promise from God that He is not finished with us yet.“  And so I wonder, can we really do this?  Can we really welcome the outsider in - as a promise that God is not finished with us yet, and allow our lives to be radically altered by the Spirit of God indwelling another?  I dream that we are able to do this, because in this act there is submission and humility before our creator, there is great faith and trust that things could get better - that we could be better.  And I believe there is even beauty.  Because, as Erwin says, “A community with the servant heart of God knows no limit to sacrifice, and when its people are doing what God created them to do, there is no limit to impact.” 

I just believe things could get better. 

                                                                                                                                                  March 28th, 2007 © allthis

COURAGE. Innovation and risk to forge the future are necessary to living a life of faith - advancing the gospel and movement of Jesus Christ.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the absence of self.” - Erwin McManus

How often is it, when faced with opposition, adversity, or trials we shudder, turn away or retreat? Matthew 11:12 says, “From the time of John the Baptist until now, the Kingdom of God has been FORCEFULLY ADVANCING and FORCEFUL men lay hold of it.”

After months of transition, I have finally found a job that I believe God had created for me. Saturday I was asked to be the Client Services Director of CareNet (Crisis Pregnancy Center, Pierce County), Gig Harbor. Our Grand Opening is scheduled for tomorrow. CareNet, a pro-life ministry, shares the gospel of Jesus Christ with each young woman we meet with, seeing many women respond to God and choose life for their unborn babies.

But today, a bomb threat was made to the building in which we are housed.

My first response was for my safety, motivated by fear. And it was then that the Spirit of God reminded me of His presence within me. I remembered my own Core Value #7 - COURAGE. My second thought was, “I will not shudder in the midst of opposition!”

And so I will ADVANCE ,with the Spirit of God, proclaiming freedom and hope found in Jesus Christ.

all this for our GREAT and GLORIOUS King!

January 31st, 2007 © allthis

God is creating for me a home. I grew up in Portland and never questioned home or belonging before, until He burdened my heart for the Romanian people and Romania. When I first set foot in Romania, it instantly felt like home and my lungs expanded for far greater than I thought was ever possible. I felt unleashed, fully alive, FREE. In returning to the States, I felt like I was leaving “home” to go back to the place I had always known, the place I had lived all my life. I’ve lived, longing for home, longing to return to Romania, but God has moved me to Gig Harbor, for a time… And it is here, a place I anticipated for transition, that is becoming home. Although a piece of my heart will always be in Romania and I will always consider it home, what I do know is that the place is RIGHT HERE, where He has placed me. And as Erwin says in Soul Cravings, “Home is ultimately not about a place to live but about the people with whom you are most fully alive. Home is about love, relationship, community, and belonging, and we are all searching for home.”

January 25th, 2007 © allthis

“He who calls, calls out to me and calls me out. He calls me from all that I know, all that is comforting and all that I love to a life of RISK, a life worth living - fully alive.” (July 2005)

 
I LIVE FOR YOU
written by Joby Harris

Father hear my praise. There is no known place low enough for me. To bow down properly.

No, I won’t fear, what I do not own. The past Lord, or a future unknown.

I stand tall as your child O God, Victory’s all around me.

I live for you and nothing else. No battles ever fought by myself.

You’ve made a path on solid rock so with faith and courage I’ll walk.

 

Everyday I become more content, more satisfied. For the past three years, my heart has been expanded and has grown deeper in love. I began to love, that which was beyond myself. I began to accept, that which was beyond anything I could have dreamed.  I began to desire, that which I believed He wanted for me.  Recently I have had a change of heart. I have lived, believing I understood what sacrifice and contentment were and now I realize that I’m only beginning to understand. My heart bleeds, but I love Him more. 

It has always been more about a person than a place.  It has always been about courage and risk.  It has always been about passionately pursuing the very heart of Christ, growing in intimacy with Him.  It has been about learning.  It has been about healing.  It has been about brokenness.  It has been about wholeness.  It has been about hope. 

My mission and vision is clear.  What I do know is that the time frame is NOW and right now the place is RIGHT HERE, where He has placed me.  So, as Proverbs 16:9 has become a vital verse in my life, I believe it wholeheartedly, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.”  And there is nothing in which I am more confident or content in than my beloved Savior.

And this is the life of faith…

January 18th, 2007 © allthis

What will I be remembered for?

A couple of weeks ago someone challenged me in a sermon to consider this very question. As I have gone back to this question time and time again, my heart continues to be stirred. Not only “What will I be remembered for?” but more honestly, “Will I live my life in a way that I will be remembered one day?” We all long for significance, to make a difference, to be missed if we aren’t around. We long for meaning…

I hope and pray that my life would make the difference that God intended and created it to make.

…that I passionately pursued the very heart of Christ above anything else.
…that I invested my life in Christ in the lives of others.
…that I loved people deeply.
…that I was willing to risk in life and love.
…that I lived fully alive.
…that I was a voice of hope to the hurting world around me.
…that all of my life was an offering to Him, “all this for a King”.

January 2, 2007 © allthis

 

ALL I CAN SAY

by David Crowder Band

Lord I‘m tired so tired from walking
And Lord I‘m so alone
And Lord the dark is creeping in
It’s creeping up to swallow me
I think I‘ll stop rest here a while

This is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give

Oh did You see me crying?
Oh and did You hear me call Your name?
Wasn’t it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You’d remember where you sat it down

And this is all that I can say right now
I know it’s not much
But this is all that I can give
That’s my everything

I didn’t notice You were standing here
I didn’t know that was You holding me
I didn’t notice You were crying too
I didn’t know that was You washing my feet

Did you know that taking two egg yolks, mixing them with some mustard and salt, and eventually adding some cooking oil will leave you with a cream sauce equivolent of mayonnaise? It works, it really does.

Tonight, with little in the fridge, David and I set out to make some food. As he pulled out the ingredients, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what he was envisioning. I began to help and could not figure out what these simple ingredients and a huge time investment would provide us with. But mixed with some potatoes and onions, we had a fabulous potato salad.

As I sit and write, I am surrounded by cement walls (as most houses here are made of) and somewhere inside the cement comes a small sound of something rattling around… I was almost too afraid to ask David what it was, for my assumption was confirmed, mice.

Last Friday night, I stayed in the village, Marga with my friend Alina (who I met last summer) and my new friend Ema. As Alina and I went to our room, a little mouse scurried across the floor and back into his hiding place. We thought we were safe, but about the time Ema came to bed, it was time for the mice (now 2) to come and play. A few minutes after the light was off, Ema asked for someone to turn on the light as she exclaimed, “A mouse just ran through my hair.” Alina was relived as she was sure a mouse had just been in her hair too. At the same time, we heard one in a plastic bag across the room, which now confirmed multiple mouses…mice!!! Immediately we summoned our hero in the next room. David came to the rescue and moved us out of the “mouse” room for the night. And finally, the girls got a good night sleep - mouse free. (I woke up to find one of the mice “baked” to death on my clean shirt drying on the radiator. We smashed him with a shoe to make sure his life was over and I rewashed my shirt before wearing.)

WELCOME TO ROMANIA!!!

November 12th, 2006 © allthis

Again, I find myself with so much to update and not enough time to share everything that is going on.  I will post a daily update in the next coupe of days.

I decided yesterday to travel into Timisoara to meet with some Greater Europe Mission Missionaries, Dwight and Melissa.  I was glad to travel alongside of Dave who was going to Budapest, Hungary for the night.  We were supposed to leave the house at 6:20am to begin our journey.  At 6:25 Dave knocked on my door and realized my alarm never woke me up.  I jumped out of bed, dressed, threw things in my backpack and ran out the door to get to the train station in Otelu.  We got to the train station just in time to get tickets and get on board a train that would take us to Caransebes.  When we got to Caransebes Dave checked the track number for the train headed into Timisoara.  The track number was listed wrong so we ended up on the wrong train.  We had to be in Timisoara by 11:30 so Dave coud catch another train to Budapest, so we were left to find another way.

Of course, at this point, the girl always has to find a restroom.  I finally found what was seriously equivolent to a hole in the ground (Eastern European Toilets).  At least there was paper available.  But in the end, I was even charged to use this  “bathroom”.

Dave knew of a van that traveled between Caransebes and Timisoara, but it appeared as though the van had already left.  That’s when he mentioned “hitch hiking”.  Dave turned to me and asked, “Are you praying?” and I  can say that I most certainly had been!  I had just taken my backpack off to take my jacket off and a coachline bus headed to Timisaoara drove by, and then began to stop down the road.  Dave looked back at me and started running.  I picked up my bag and began to run - this is the moment I felt like it was the Amazing Race :).

We got on the packed bus and were standing with at least a half dozen others in the walkway of the bus.  The time between Carasebes and Timisoara was about 90-120 minutes, and we were standing in the isle of the bus.  About half way through the ride, we stopped in Lugoj where the bus emptied in half and we were finally able to take a seat.  Thankfully, it only seemed like I had been standing for 10 minutes.  After some sleeping on the bus and some verb conjucation practice, we arrived in Timisoara only blocks from the apartment Dave lived in during his language studies.

Timisoara is a beautiful city, with history and a true Eastern European feel (very similar to Prague).  We found our way to the train station and met up with Dwight and Melissa and Dave left for a long train ride to Budapest.  Little did I know what I was in for…

I arrived at Dwight and Melissa’s to enjoy  many more American luxaries than I would ever find in Marga.  I am thankful that my experiences in Romania have been from the village, to the small town, to the big city.  With each increase, luxaries of America are ever increasing.  But today I enjoyed washing AND DRYING my clothes (there is no dryer in Marga or Otelu), wireless internet access, and the awareness that many things I believed unavailable in Romania are actually available here at the big stores in the city.  I am looking forward to my tour tomorrow of downtown Timisoara and the rich history from the Revolution.

November 6nd, 2006 © allthis

As I sit here, it is snowing in much of Romania.  I prayed for snow and I’m very excited to have my first snow of the year be my first snow ever in Romania!!!

After a long 2 days all over the SW region of Romania, I’m glad to be home, but blessed by a visit to Phil’s niece’s house.  My eyes and heart have been opened far greater than I could have imagined.

I will share more in another post, but my thoughts keep returning to this, “When your vision, passion and mission meet,  something within is truly unleashed, but disappointment and trials still occur and sometimes at a greater rate and intensity.”  I guess part of me always dreamed when vision, passion and mission met, that things would be easier, that I could handle anything that came my way.  And I can, with His strength within me, but what happens when your expectations fall far from where you had anticipated?  I’m continuing to process these thoughts and more.

I’m learning more and more what it means, ALL THIS FOR A KING, for my Glorious King.

November 2nd, 2006 © allthis

I started today doing what far more Americans do, than Romanians. I got up around noon (late night) and went for a run in Otelu - the town that Phil and Adinela live in. As I ran on the streets of Otelu, I made many observations about my surroundings. I know that Phil has spoken many times about the quality of the roads being less than desirable, but today was the first time that I realized that for myself. It is very hard to run on roads that are broken, with potholes, and that are uneven. Many people around here tend not to smile. As I ran, I had more people actually stare at me with blank looks on their faces - I guess the sight of an Asian American is far from the usual.When I returned from my run, David and I walked to a friends house (Joseph and his family, the pastor at Rusca) and then onto the Piata to buy some food. It was less busy than I remember it, but that could be from the near freezing temperatures outside. We enjoyed a talk with a friend from the Marga church and a friend of his. They asked questions about my testimony that I shared last night and the losses we both have had at young ages. I realize that ministry here is so relational. It’s about spending time together when you run into people in the market, and not just getting what you need and running off. It’s about making that time to journey to where the people are and just be with them. Be where they are.

Side note: Many people ask about my interest in Romania and how much I understand. I tend to think I don’t understand much, but I am learning that with each conversation, with each sermon, with each experience I am learning more and more and at a rate that I could never learn in the states. It also makes me aware of the diligence I need to make Romanian study a part of my everyday life when I return to the states. I pray a lot when people are speaking, that God would allow my heart to understand things that my mind cannot. Many times I find myself understanding the context of what people are talking about because I understand one word or thought and then I can follow much more easily. I know I understand far more than I think I do.

This evening we went to another village to see Pastor Gaina who is helping David secure a visa longer than 3 months (please pray for David as he works on visa stuff tomorrow). I enjoyed watching them prepare for winter, but cutting and chopping wood that will be used in wood stoves which will heat the homes. We spent time with Pastor Gaina last summer while we were here as well and he is an amazing man who overseas the churches in the valley, of which Marga is one of them.

We prepared a bit for the cold temperatures that we are expecting tomorrow. Sibiu, a little NE of where we are already has 6cm of snow, and we may even see some ourselves. Temperatures are expected to be at -4°C tomorrow.

David and I went back Joseph’s house again this evening to have help with the visa. It was fun to bundle up and set out on foot to their place in the dropping temperatures. We were very thankful for the ride home that we were offered. Tomorrow we have ministry in Marga with the children and youth. I am excited to stay the night in Marga. I’m very hopeful about seeing some of the children and youth that we spent last summer with. Wednesday I will go with Phil and Adinela to see Phil’s niece, Heather and her family who live SE of here. I met Heather last summer as well and have kept up with her and her family’s transition back to Romania. It will be refreshing to see her.

So, one last thing. Inspired by Thoughts in the Mind of Dave, here is Thoughts in the Mind of Emily:

-There are many American treats that are simply unavailable here in Romania. Two of those are Peanut Butter and Oreo cookies (try them together, now that’s a treat). I brought both. Throughout the Marga service last night, my thoughts kept returning to an Oreo cookie dipped in Peanut Butter.

-On my run this morning, as people starred at me, I felt much like a one man show having arrived in Romania. Additionally, I kept telling myself, “Don’t step in poop” of which there is considerably more on the streets here than there is in the states.

It is amazing, how being half way around the world, in a foreign culture, with a foreign language and many people I have never had deep relationships with, evokes a feeling of being Alive! When I left last summer, I said many times, “I may never breathe deeply again until I return to Romania.” And as I have been here, I feel like my lungs have expanded far more than I believed was possible. There is something here that feels natural, that feels like home, that resounds with the Spirit within me. On the flipside, I am becoming more aware of the realities of transitioning permanently to this culture. I am thankful to watch my dear friend make his own transition here, and to learn so much from his own experience. And it is affirmed over and over, that we are relational beings, that we are created in the midst of relationship, for relationship. And that is how I live…Alive in relationship and for relationship.

October 30th, 2006 © allthis

I long to know and to be known, to understand and to be understood.  (I am reminded of this deep need as I struggle with getting past the language barrier here.)

I went to Rusca (a village down the road from Marga) with David for church this morning and I realize the road that is ahead and have only a glimpse of what it will take to integrate into this culture.  It will NOT be easy, but well worth it, as I am reminded.  It’s like the rolling hills outside that I remember in green when last I was here, that are now shades of red and orange and brown.  It’s all about change and the beauty of change.

I was asked to share this morning, five to ten minutes of my testimony.  I wondered what I would share but I overwhelmingly trust that the Spirit within me will lead me to share exactly what will encourage these people in the Lord.  I am reminded that there is beauty for ashes and oil of gladness for despair, as I reflect over the things in life that has brought brokenness and pain and the healing and wholeness God has brought as a result.
Today we traveled into Marga (we are staying in Otelu Rosu a bigger town 10 miles away where Phil and Adinela live) for lunch with Adinela’s family.  It was great to see familiar faces.  Mama Sanda and Bunicu were there, along with Johnny and Larisa and their son Fineas, and Sandu.  We ate so much, but I was glad to see the usual and my favorites - bread, mashed potatoes (I didn’t get the nickname “Spud” last time we were here for nothing) and soup.

I walked by myself around the village and it truly did feel like home.  There’s something about being here that evokes an overwhelming peace and certianty within my soul.  As the fog sat upon the hills around and a light mist fell, it felt like this has always been home.  The sure signs of fall are here as there are many more haystacks in the back yard, the remains of corn crops stand in the once empty field out front, and the entry way at the house are filled with bags of cabbage and mounds of apples.

At the church in Marga tonight I was able to share the story of what God has done in my life  once again (and sing the only song I know entirely in Romanian with David in the front of the church - that’s right, I sang, you didn’t misread…).  It’s amazing how God gives me the words I need and that people can see His hand in my life.  Earlier today as I was preparing to share in Rusca, I read 1 Peter 2:9 which might be one of my favorite verses ever.

But you are a chosen people, 

a royal priesthood, 

a holy nation, 

a people belonging to God,

that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.   

My return to Romania brings me much joy and peace, but I am reminded that it is not just for me.  My return is to declare the praises of Him, ALL THIS FOR A KING.

October 29th, 2006 © allthis

I’ve arrived, I’m home.

The nervousness I felt before and during my travel faded the minute I set foot on Romanian soil and saw my friends waithing for me beyond the glass doors. There is something within me that is at ease, an overhwlming peace.

Our first two stops - the mall in Timisoara and Reale Hypermarket, are signs that Western culture isn’t a foreign concept anymore. As I sit, I realize I could easily be in a Wal-Mart or Fred Meyer with the vastness and selection available. Part of my heart breaks as I’m sure, the uniqueness of Romania is being quickly replaced by all the world has to offer.

As I’ve considered the trasition of cultures, I now realize the merging of the two may make it slightly easier than I’ve ever anticipated. Yet my heart longs for the simple, the slow of pace, the uniqueness that Romania has to offer.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to get anywhere before. I say this for many reasons, the first of which may be obvious that I love Romania and long to spend my life here. But for far more emotionally charged reasons, I was glad to finally be united with great friends when I got off the plane and through customs in Romania. I started the morning checking in at the airport with two checked bags which both weighed about 90lbs each. I believed this to be impossible as I was able to lift both bags (although I couldn’t move them far). But the scale repeatedly read over the maximum 70lbs allowed for one piece of luggage. After purchasing a third piece of luggage and moving things around, I believed I was well on my way. (I still knew I was pushing it with my carry on luggage as well.) While I was boarding my transatlantic flight in Chigago, I was told that I was only allowed one piece of carry on items, but this time they would let it slide. When I arrived in Munich, I was exhausted and I fell asleep at the gate of my next flight. With five minutes to departure, I woke up to an empty gate, with no one around. As I realized what time it was, I heard “Passenger Kerry to gate H23 for immediate departure” which was 4 gates down. I picked up all my stuff and ran so fast to the gate. The lady taking my ticket told me, “We were about to leave, you’re the last passenger we’ve been waiting for, and one of your bags must be gate checked when you get to the plane.” I flew down 3 flights of stairs to the bus that would take me to the plane. I finally arrived to my plane, where my backpack - also overpacked, was gate checked.

Arriving in Timisoara was like filling my lungs so deeply with air. And as I stepped onto the plane, the first sounds of the Romanian language was like music to my ears. I am home.

October 28th, 2006 © allthis

And the book of the prophet Isaiah was handed to Him. And He opened the book and found the place where it was written,

THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD IS UPON ME,

BECAUSE HE ANOINTED ME TO PREACH THE GOSPEL TO THE POOR.
HE HAS SENT ME TO PROCLAIM RELEASE TO THE CAPTIVES,
AND RECOVERY OF SIGHT TO THE BLIND,
TO SET FREE THOSE WHO ARE OPPRESSED,

TO PROCLAIM THE FAVORABLE YEAR OF THE LORD.”

And He closed the book, gave it back to the attendant and sat down; and the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on Him.

And He began to say to them, “Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.”

- Luke 4:17-21

I heard it once said that our greatest passions are born from our deepest wounds.

I believe it’s true. We must move from the pain in lives - allowed by God, caused by others, or inflicted upon self to be passion that fuels us to share redemption, restoration and ultimately the glory and greatness of God.

Abandonment. Brokenness. Dissapointment. Suicide. Abuse. Rejection. Oppression.

Significance. Wholeness. Hope. Life. Comfort. Acceptance. Freedom.

It is from our deepest wounds that our greatest passions are born. Brokenness has been a reality of my life, but I have seen the beauty that comes from brokenness. God takes the broken and fragmented pieces of my life and brings them together to make me whole - a beautiful picture for His glory, and then He shines His light through, that all the world may see.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,

because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives

to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion�

to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

- Isaiah 61:1-3

There is beauty for ashes.

October 2006 © allthis

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.   - Matthew 13:44-46

I know that I have been given a great love for the Romanian people and so, I plan to spend my life serving and sharing life with them indefinitely in country.  Many may say that I have found my pearl, Romania - that I am willing to give up all I have and sell all my possessions and move around the world for that which is dearest to me.  And that is all true, but there is something that is truer.

I have come to realize that my Pearl is greater than the call or desire to be in Romania, but is the one who calls and desires me.  Jesus alone is my Pearl of Great Price.  Following and falling more in love with Him everyday is my greatest pleasure.  It is for Him and because of Him that I would be and am willing to give up all that I have and go anywhere or do anything.  It is that which He loves that now I love.

“Break my heart for the things that break yours.“

MISSION

I desire to live my life in response to the reality of the Gospel, giving glory to God in all I do and living in constant worship of Him � that my life would be an offering to him, “all this for a King.�

I desire to live my life with passionate clarity – to live a life of uncompromising faith, serving others with the love, heart and attitude of Christ, proclaiming the freedom and hope found in Jesus.

I desire to invest my life in Christ in the lives of others. I seek to train and equip, empower and mobilize leaders of leaders � those currently leading and those with the potential to lead and influence the lives of others.

I desire to live cross-culturally in the country of Romania, to share the gospel and my life with the Romanian people (1 Thess 2:8).

VISION

I long to see the dreams and creativity of each person made in the image of God, unleashed � that they would live in their God given capacity with passion and focus.

I long to see the people of Romania live free from the oppression resulting from Communism � to raise up the next generation of children and youth, to invest in families and culture, to begin to bridge the gap to the national churches � through authentic relationships and the intentional investment of people.

VALUES

CREATION. Uniquely made in the image of God (Gen 1:27). Our identification (Col 2: 12) in Christ is chosen (Eph 1:4, 11), sons/daughters (Eph 1:5), forgiven (Eph1:7, Col 2:14), free (Gal 5:1), alive (Eph 2:5, Col 2:14).

CHARACTER. Development and devotion to people through intentional investment (1 Cor 11:1), and testing through trials and suffering (Jas 1:2-3, Ro 5:3-4) proving our resilience in Christ (Ro 8:18, 2 Thes 3:13).

COMMUNITY. Authentically sharing life with one another through teaching, fellowship, worship and living (Acts 2:42-47, Heb 10:25).

CREATIVITY. Beauty and uniqueness of each person through expression and thought, service and vision (1 Cor 12:4-6, Eph 4:11).

CULTURE. Essential elements of a given group which identifies them as distinct and valuable (1 Cor 9:19-23, Jn 4:1-26).

CHANGE. Transformation of the heart through the process of sanctification is the basis for all other life change (Ro 2:29, Eph 5:26-27, 2 Thes 2:13, 1 Pet 1:15-16, Jude 24-25).

COURAGE. Innovation and risk to forge the future are necessary to living a life of faith (1 Sam 17:45-47, 2 Cor 5:7) � advancing the gospel and movement of Jesus Christ (Josh 1:9).

PASSION

The Father, Son and Holy Spirit live in communion with one another, constantly seeking to glorify the other. Jesus’ incarnation, servant hood and sacrifice were driven by His ongoing relationship with the Father through the Spirit (Jn 5:19). Jesus was passionate at the temple (Mt 21:12, Mk 11:15, Jn 2:12-17, Ps 69:9), with the Pharisees (Mt 3:7, 5:20), and in His death (Luke 23:34).

Jesus’ greatest passion was within His relationship with the Trinity � He longed to redeem and restore humanity to His Father because of His deep love for us. And it is because of His great love for us, that I respond in love � to the Father, Son and Spirit, and to humanity. As I follow Jesus with passionate clarity, my heart has been changed. It is love � for love and because of love that I respond � driven by love.

PURPOSE

Orphaned at birth, I was adopted and raised by a loving family, but brokenness was a reality of my life. In July 1999, I came to understand that God had adopted me as his daughter and paid the price for me and my sins � my response was to accept His free gift of life, eternal life. God’s comfort flowed into my life and began to overflow. As a result, in March 2004 I traveled overseas to aid orphans, to comfort them with the same comfort I had received (2 Cor 1:3-5). I knew I wanted to spend my life to better the conditions of the hurting around the world � bringing them the comfort found in Jesus. I dreamed to train, equip and disciple Romanian nationals and their churches, and mobilize them to respond Biblically to the oppressed within their borders. I long to see those who cannot defend themselves comforted by God and set free in Christ.

GOALS

In response to God’s overwhelming love for me (1 Jn 3:16, 4:9-10, 4:19), I plan to love and live among the Romanian people (1 Thes 2: 17-19) � departing the States Fall 2008.

I seek to serve in a local community � to work with leaders of leaders, continuing to develop relationships and skills, investing and encouraging leaders with influence or the potential to lead.

I seek to invest and be invested in by a local sending body, my primary support for overseas service � to enter into formal mentoring with church leadership and be empowered and released for service.

I seek to continue to grow � in devotion and intimacy with Jesus Christ, and learn� Romanian language and culture, as well as additional skills for lifelong service overseas.

September 2006 © allthis

This past week has been a roller coaster. I was challenged in decisions I had made and questioned where God had placed me. What I do know: 1. God has given me a heart and desire to love and live among the Romanian people. 2. He has called me to Invest and be invested in at Mosaic indefinitely, as a part of the process of returning to Romania. 3. He has shown me that I have not had “open hands” with returning to Romania for a month in the Fall and that I must trust him completely regardless of what happens.

Realizing that I was holding too tightly, I released that which I hold dear, and felt an overwhelming sense of relief. At church on Sunday, we sang, Jesus Savior Pilot Me and I realized that this week’s response was not trusting God and living by faith. As we sang, tears came to my eyes as I heard God whisper to me the line, FEAR NOT I WILL PILOT THEE.

Fear Not I Will Pilot Thee, and so he has…piloted me… Today I got the approval to spend two weeks out of the office in late October. Of course, I will be returning to Romania for those two weeks! I will be spending time in country with the missionaries, Phil & Adinela and David, and connecting with the children, youth and families in Marga. I feel overwhelmed by his goodness and his graciousness, gaining far more than I ever deserve.

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

He certianly has made my paths straight.

O Praise Him,
All This

from http://opraisehim.blogspot.com Wednesday, May 24, 2006
† ALL THIS FOR A KING †

I am pleased to announce that my BLOG has become a VOX and has been moved.
PLEASE JOIN ME AT HTTP://ALLTHISFORAKING.VOXTROPOLIS.COM
VOXTROPOLIS is the next generation of online networking and you can join in at votropolis.com!

posted by kiriaze at 3:55 PM 0 comments

from http://opraisehim.blogspot.com Monday, May 08, 2006
Philippians 1:3

I thank my God every time I remember you.
- Philippians 1:3

There’s this old quote, “Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay for a while and leave footprints in our hearts and we are never the same.” As cheesy as this quote is, it is true, especially when I think of one of my favorite people, one of my closest friends - David. It is when you find a true friend, that you actually find yourself. Because a true friend is willing to show you who you truly are - strengths and weaknesses - and continuously dare you to become all that God intended you be. They long to unleash the uniqueness and creativity within and see you thrive.

 

 

As I reflect on such an amazing person and great friend, I am indebted, filled with overwhelming gratitude. And so it is, that I truly thank my God, every time I remember him.

posted by kiriaze at 9:04 AM 0 comments

from http://opraisehim.blogspot.com Sunday, April 16, 2006
Psalm 66:16

Come and listen, all you who fear God;
let me tell you what he has done for me.
- Psalm 66:16

COME AND LISTEN
- David Crowder*Band
COME AND LISTEN, COME TO THE WATER’S EDGE
ALL YOU WHO KNOW AND FEAR THE LORD
COME AND LISTEN, COME TO THE ATER’S EDGE
ALL YOU WHO ARE THIRSTY, COME
LET ME TELL YOU WHAT HE HAS DONE FOR ME
LET ME TELL YOU WHAT HE HAS DONE FOR YOU
HE HAS DONE FOR YOU, HE HAS DONE FOR US
COME AND LISTEN, COME AND LISTEN TO WHAT HE’S DONE
PRAISE OUR GOD FOR HE IS GOOD
HE HAS DONE FOR ME, HE HAS DONE FOR YOU, HE HAS DONE FOR US

I sat on the stairs that entered the baptistery and reflected on the decision I had made as the water lapped against my feet. And then I heard the music start, “…Come and listen, come to the water’s edge, all you who are thirsty, come. Let me tell you what He has done for me, for you, for us. Come and listen to what He’s done…” And it hit me, like a ton of bricks, that this was something huge that I was about to do, professing to the community around me that my life is His and I identify myself with Jesus - in His death and in His life. My family and friends took up a section of three rows in the front of the church. They had come to listen to what He has done in my life. There were other friends scattered around the church, all who were there to support what He has done in my life. I realized in that moment, how much He truly has done for me, and what He is doing for those around me. So, I sat there, at the water’s edge thanking Him for all He has done. I sat at the water’s edge knowing the story of brokenness that I was going share, but even more confident that His grace and mercy cover me. I stepped down into the baptistery with Pastor Randy, and as I looked out I sensed a peace I had never had before. I had prayed for a sense of peace as I spoke, but this was overwhelming peace like I’ve never experienced. I was in His presence I knew in that moment that He was delighting in me.

Today I have chosen to be believer baptized as a response to Jesus’ love for me and because He has moved me to stand before you today and share a piece of my story.

I attended church with my mom growing up and believed that my profession of faith came when she died suddenly when I was 16 and I continued to go to church on my own. I attended a church that taught religion, not about how to follow Jesus. I lived for years, content with my understanding and knowledge, but my heart was distant from Jesus and self-reliant.

After studying abroad for a year in college, my heart became uneasy. I felt empty, as though I was missing something deep within. When I returned to the states, I was invited to church with a friend. And it was there that I saw people who trusted their lives to Jesus. I could sense a pull on my heart, and no matter what I tried to do, I couldn’t help but respond. It was there and then I entrusted my life to the one who gave His life for me.

I now had a joy that words could not express. But there was also a tension – between the expression of religion I had grown up believing, and the reality of faith I had just encountered. I had surrendered my life to Jesus, but I was still driven by the need to have others like and accept me. It was so unhealthy for me. I tried so hard to become something people would love. I was afraid that those I looked up to would reject me. I felt so alone and I thought I was the only one who struggled with the fear of rejection and the fear of failure.

It was then, that Jesus whispered to me the words found in the Gospel of John, “Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. ‘I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing…’”I believed for so long that I had to work hard as proof that Jesus lived in me, but He said to me, “You are mine, I have chosen you. You are forgiven, you are daughter, you are my beloved.â€? And I realized that all he wanted was me. He wasn’t concerned with all that I could do, or what I brought to Him, as long as I brought myself and was willing to yield to His Spirit within me. It was all about the relationship with Him – to know Him and be known by Him.

Now that I have trusted my life to Jesus, I know He’s called me to live a life that matters – a life of adventure and RISK. He calls me from darkness to Himself, to be a light in a dark world. He’s healing my deep wounds and calling me to be a wounded healer. He calls me from shame to grace through His cross to delight in others and to learn to be delighted in. He calls me chosen. He calls me forgiven. He calls me daughter. He calls me beloved. And as an expression of my soul’s desire, I am excited to be baptized this Easter morning.

† ALL THIS FOR A KING †

posted by kiriaze at 10:20 PM 1 comments

from http://opraisehim.blogspot.com Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Wholly Yours

I hate it, and yet I love it - for all the wrong reasons. (And right now I’m learning the power of my words and I really don’t like the word hate because it is so strong and so powerful, and because we frequently misuse the word we truly don’t understand the impact that this four letter word can have on our lives. And in using it to describe anything besides pure evil, it becomes easier to use in regards to things and then people, and that becomes potentially very dangerous. But nonetheless, I think I’m safe in this regard… ) It’s purely a control thing. It’s about me, just me. Of course it has to do with the influence others have or could have in my life, but it’s about what I can do about their influence. It’s about safety and comfort. It’s about potential pain and hiding. It’s about fear…paralyzing fear.

These past couple of days I’ve wanted to just stay here in my own world, in isolation from people - safe and comfortable, or uncomfortable.

I hate making commitments in my mind, a resolution, and then actually having to follow through. And when Jake answered his phone and said “Yes there’s youth group tonight” I knew I had to go, no matter how badly I wanted to stay in isolation by myself. Agghh, why did he have to answer his phone? Why did youth group have to kick off again tonight? Why not next week? Why did I have to follow through and go? I think that tonight was the earliest I’ve ever shown up, and I was only 5 minutes early. And then I felt completely out of place, like I didn’t belong. So I questioned all the more why I had come in the first place. Why did I have to tell Jake that I’d be there? I knew I needed a better attitude, and so I tried - really tried. Jake finally started his talk, which was fueled by Jason’s talk on Sunday. (I wish even more now that I had made it to church on Sunday. I have waited to hear Jason preach and finally he did and I didn’t show up…and just as I suspected, I heard it was profound and that he is a great preacher.)

What does it mean when you believe or feel something with your heart? I think there’s something about the peace and contentment…Well, I’ve learned through my study and in my own life that the heart truly is central to everything. Within the heart is motive and desire. In 1 Samuel 16, God chooses David as the King of Israel, which is not the realistic or rational choice, but we learn “the Lord does not look at the things that man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” Jake talked about what happens when we submit our hearts to God. That in doing so we find satisfaction solely in Him that is so profound that it fills the void in our heart. He asked if we love God with all our hearts, and if we would love him with all our hearts if everything else in our lives fell to pieces.

And then it hit me. For many reasons I feel like my life is falling to pieces and my heart is in pieces…and my response is isolation - to prevent further pain and suffering, to maintain control. And I hate this selfish response within my own heart. I hate this paralyzing fear. I hate this self-destructive pattern - that to prevent future pain, I will now isolate myself from others by my own choice, rather than allowing them to define or redefine later on, causing what I can suspect would be greater pain.

Can I love God with my heart in the midst of this - all of this? Can I love God with my heart even when I feel like my heart is breaking? Can I love God with my heart when I realize all I will be giving up to serve others in his name? Can I love God with my heart when I feel like God has forgotten me?

What do you mean when you say that you believe or feel something with your heart (rather than your mind)? What does it look like for you to put your heart into something? What do you notice about David’s heart toward God, how do you notice he demonstrates his love for God? What do you think your heat longs for - deep down, what do you want out of life? How, and with what, do you think you have attempted to fulfill that longing? What do you think it would take for you to find total satisfaction and fulfillment in Christ?

When we dialogued about these questions, I didn’t have to wonder why I had to be at youth group tonight. There was something deep inside me that knew that this is where I was meant to be - from isolation back into community, from fear to into faith, from the depth of depravity into divinity.

Maybe, no - I know, the reality is that my heart has not been submitted completely to God because of fear, pain and potential pain, sadness, life’s harsh reality. And so, in my humanity - my depravity, I search for that satisfaction in control, in isolation, in self-destruction, in paralyzing fear. And all along, all I need is Him to fill that void within my heart, to usher forth healing, to remind me of his absolute sovereignty, to deconstruct and demolish my walls that keep me isolated, to remind me of my infinite value because of Jesus’ blood over my life, to free me from all fear besides a healthy fear of Him, and to remind me that I am safe - within my Savior’s arms, he whispers to me, “You are safe”.

And then a deep longing comes from within my heart and soul, “I want to be Wholly Yours! I want to love you with my heart, Wholly, completely.” To love God with my heart, means to love him in the midst of the mess, in the depths of depravity…but it is here that he meets me - “and so this might could be the most impossible thing: Your grandness in me, making me clean…I am full of earth and dirt and you,” (dc*b).

I want to be Holy. Like You Are.
I am Wholly. Wholly Yours.
I am full of earth and dirt and you.

LIVE. AND LIVE WELL.
LOVE GOD. EMBRACE BEAUTY. LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

 

Wholly Yours
by David Crowder*Band

I am full of earth
You are heaven’s worth
I am stained with dirt
prone to depravity
You are everything
that is bright and clean
the antonym of me
You are divinity

but a certain sign of grace is this
from the broken earth flowers come up
pushing through the dirt

You are holy, holy, holy
all heaven cries, “Holy, holy God”
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to be holy like You are

You are everything that is bright and clean
and You’re covering me with Your majesty
and the truest sign of grace was this
from wounded hands redemption fell down
liberating man

You are holy, holy, holy
all heaven cries, “Holy, holy God”
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to be holy like You are

But the harder I try the more clearly can I

feel the depth of our fall and the weight of it all
and so this might could be the most impossible thing
Your grandness in me making me clean
glory, hallelujah
glory, glory, hallelujah

so here I am
all of me
finally everything
wholly, wholly, wholly
I am wholly, wholly, wholly
I am wholly, wholly, wholly … Yours

 

I am full of earth and dirt and You

posted by kiriaze at 4:58 PM

from http://opraisehim.blogspot.com Wednesday, January 04, 2006
i miss You

So small and yet so powerful. They can come out of nowhere and surprise you. They can come because of pain and sorrow, but also because of the greatest joy and happiness. And often times they will come when I laugh too hard. Most times I want to hide when they come because they are a physical representation of something much greater going on within me. They come when my heart is deeply stirred.

Last night they came, tears poured forth from sadness and joy - a heart confused.

I can’t really explain why having a good cry, sometimes makes you feel so much better. But it did, mixed with sitting in my favorite place in Portland watching the city lights. Those city lights have always made me feel at peace, for as long as I can remember - my mom and dad would drive me around to get me to sleep at night, and driving in the West Hills looking out at the city lights always calmed me down, brought me peace, and put me to sleep.

I remembered what it is to love the place you’ve grown up all your life. To really appreciate the beauty of home. And I remember just 6 months ago, after returning from Romania wondering as I drove along the river, if I would ever love Portland the way I once had. And I remembered that love last night and yet I love and long to be back in Romania.

My world’s are colliding…The world that I have grown so accustomed to, and the world - a half a world away - that my heart loves like nothing else. It’s the contrast of where I was created (or grown, more realistically) and what I was created for, of where I love to live and live to love, and where I survive and where I thrive…

For almost two years I’ve known I would serve long-term (lifelong) in Romania. And up until this point it’s been virtually easy to believe and prepare for. But I have come to realize the reality of going, what I must leave behind. And I’m not talking about things, but the people who have come to shape, change and mold my life. The people that I can’t imagine being where I’m at, without. It’s those people that you think about at Thanksgiving, and whenever you think of them you can’t help but give thanks for them and the impact and influence they have had on your life. It’s those few people who know you…really know you, sometimes better than you know yourself and who have shared their lives with you in the same way. They’re the people who you want to still know in 10 years, and even after 10 years have passed it’s still like it was yesterday. That just the thought of them brings a smile to your face and joy within your heart. They are the people that make home, truly home - and it’s not about a place, but a feeling.

And so I must count the cost. I know it will be worth it, that there are many more people who will greatly impact my life, and that they are a half a world away from all I have ever known. And so I must go, I want to go, I can’t wait to go. But I will miss all that I leave behind, all that I love behind.

LIVE. AND LIVE WELL.
LOVE GOD. EMBRACE BEAUTY. LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

(Note: I’ve been listening endlessly to Shane and Shane and this song is one of my favorites. There is a truth here, something that is so real to me, a deep longing… )

 

 

i miss You
by shane barnard and will hunt

put down your paper plate
come to the table made
deep blue china
found on the table by the wine
so fine
it brings out flavor
like You bring out color in life

 

oh, i miss You so
the feel of forever
oh, that taste i know
it hurts to remember
unfortunately high
ironically dissatisfied
i miss You
i miss You oh, i miss You so
the feel of forever
oh, that taste i know
it hurts to remember i had a fleeting thought this morning
and i mentioned you today
it breaks my heart just to know You in part
and not to be with You where You are

posted by kiriaze at 12:13 AM

from http://opraisehim.blogspot.com Friday, November 04, 2005
Matthew 11:28

(artwork from ubcwaco.org)

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest…”
- Matthew 11:28

loss
grief
overtaking me
overtaking my soul
tears long to pour forth
yet I hold them back
why does my heart respond like this
shifting thoughts
uncertainty
pain
emptiness
questions racing through my mind
thoughts too profound for words
and words that will ever be enough
yet a heart stirred
a life changed
that longs to be well lived
reminding of the purpose
that every moment counts
that every encounter be embraced
that tomorrow may never come
yet today is here
so I must live
I choose to live
and not just survive
but to thrive
and to live fully alive
even in the midst
of sorrow
of heartache
there is joy
You are my joy
and in the loss
there is gratitude
for the impact
of one life touching another
for the encouragement
for the wisdom
for the speaking to my heart
that which my heart longs to say
there are words
and a connection
an understanding
and there is faith
there is hope
there is love
sacrificial love
unending love
indelible love
and I live in that love
alive
fully alive
today
now

Grief is so unexplainable. There are words and then there aren’t words. and when you finally think you have the words, they hardly express all that is going on deep within you - within your heart, mind and soul. Grief brings an array of emotion - anger, emptiness, loss, hurt, sadness, joy…unexplainable joy. This week has been a week of grieving and of loss.

By now, you may have heard about Kyle Lake, the pastor in Texas who was electrocuted and died last Sunday during a baptism service at his church. From all that I have heard, he was a friend to everyone he met. He was a jokester and yet he loved and lived like there was no tomorrow. But what I know about Kyle is that he longed to share the love of Christ, the love that he experienced in his own life, to all those around him - especially the students in Waco, Texas at Baylor University. He longed to offer them an encounter with Christ that was far from the dry, formulaic expression they had come to call familiar. He wanted them to live life, live life to the fullest.

For the past number of weeks, I have had the privilege to listen to Kyle. I have learned from Kyle. I have been challenged by Kyle. I have been encouraged by Kyle. And my life has been and will forever be blessed and changed by Kyle and his ministry. Kyle has a way of simply articulating things that have been on my heart, and thoughts that I have wrestled with deep within my soul.

You see, with today’s technology, I have weekly, downloaded Kyle’s sermons to my iPod, through iTunes. I stumbled across Kyle’s sermons prior to the release of David Crowder*Band’s most recent album, A Collision (3+4=7). Kyle was the lead pastor at the church and the home of the David Crowder*Band. In fact, Kyle, David Crowder and Chris Seay (Robbie Seay’s brother, currently on tour with DC*B) started University Baptist Church (ubcwaco.org) in Waco, Texas ten years ago, longing to reach the next generation. So, as it would be, I stumbled across Kyle.

Overwhelmed, I’ve questioned why God would take someone like Kyle home so soon. I wonder why so many people had to be watching as something so tragic took place. And then I wonder, am I ready to go? Not to Romania, but home, am I truly ready? When my bags should always be packed, I wonder if more realistically I am living out of my open suitcase. Do I merely live in light of what is to come - tomorrow, Romania, etc.? Or is my life marked by living for today, living in today, living TODAY? What if tomorrow never comes? Will I know that I lived well today?

In the midst of confusion, overwhelming my thoughts and feelings, I hear my Savior calling me, calling each of us to himself, “…I will give you rest…” As my heart still hurts and grieves the loss of Kyle, and other losses that have once again been stirred, I find myself safe in the arms of my Jesus. It is there I find peace and comfort, the courage to live! To live well!

And I am encouraged, again by Kyle - by his life and in his death. In my grieving, I was listening to Kyle’s funeral which was posed to the UBC site this week. The last thing read at Kyle’s service was this excerpt. It is an encouragement to “Live life to its fullest” as Kyle always encouraged. The most amazing and liberating thing about this excerpt is that these are Kyle’s last words. They are from the last sermon he wrote, they are the last paragraph he ever typed, but was never able to preach. He encouraged us to live and live well.

Live. And Live Well.
BREATHE. Breathe in and Breathe deeply. Be PRESENT. Do not be past. Do not be future. Be now.
On a crystal clear, breezy 70 degree day, roll down the windows and FEEL the wind against your skin. Feel the warmth of the sun.
If you run, then allow those first few breaths on a cool Autumn day to FREEZE your lungs and do not just be alarmed, be ALIVE.
Get knee-deep in a novel and LOSE track of time.
If you bike, pedal HARD… and if you crash then crash well.
Feel the SATISFACTION of a job well done - a paper well-written, a project thoroughly completed, a play well-performed.
If you must wipe the snot from your 3-year old’s nose, don’t be disgusted if the Kleenex didn’t catch it all… because soon he’ll be wiping his own.
If you’ve recently experienced loss, then GRIEVE. And Grieve well.
At the table with friends and family, LAUGH. If you’re eating and laughing at the same time, then might as well laugh until you puke. And if you eat, then SMELL. The aromas are not impediments to your day. Steak on the grill, coffee beans freshly ground, cookies in the oven. And TASTE. Taste every ounce of flavor. Taste every ounce of friendship. Taste every ounce of Life. Because-it-is-most-definitely-a-Gift.

- Kyle Lake: from the last sermon he wrote,
the last paragraph he ever typed/prepared for
Sunday, October 30th, 2005 yet never preached
ubcwaco.org

So to living and living well! To loving and loving well! To those who come in and forever change our lives!
To Kyle Lake, and all the Kyle Lake’s in my life!

WHOLLY HIS
ALL THIS FOR OUR GREAT AND GLORIOUS KING †

posted by kiriaze at 1:03 PM

from http://opraisehim.blogspot.com Friday, October 21, 2005
Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you?
Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,
for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
- Joshua 1:9

posted by kiriaze at 3:46 PM

from http://opraisehim.blogspot.com Monday, July 18, 2005
Jeremiah 10:23

I know, O Lord, that a man’s life is not his own;
it is not for a man to direct his steps.
-Jeremiah 10:23

It’s been just over two weeks since I’ve returned from Romania. It is amazing how we are created beings who have such deep longings within our souls. We want things and we even believe we need certain things - I’m convinced we need far less than what we really think we need. We miss things, especially people - those who have come to touch and change our lives in ways that we could never have imagined. And we desire, so deeply, and from this desire is a deep longing within our souls to be who we were created to be, to live the life we were created to live.

I know that I was created for heaven, I long for heaven, to know my creator and to see Him face to face. But this side of heaven, my heart longs for Romania, like I’ve never longed for anything else in life. I’ve never questioned belonging before. I never really wondered all these years if I belonged where God had placed me. That is until I arrived in Romania. I experienced what it is to live the abundant life, to be fully alive (John 10:10). I had glimpses of this before I left, but never imagined the fulfillment of following and obeying God’s call.

What an amazing call it is, when you hear and respond to the voice of God. I remember, it was January 2004, after 2 1/2 years in Seminary at Multnomah I was in the home stretch. I was almost finished with school and suddenly I began to sense a call to serve abroad long-term. I had no idea where this was coming from,